Solitude
by Obi the Kid
Summary: PreTPM. Taash reflects about how his life has changed since taking a young padawan.


This is the last actual story that I have written. It was written earlier this year and I sort of forgot about it. For anyone who follows my original characters, this one focuses on the OC's of Taash and Ryin.

I'm hoping to get back into writing soon. The bunnies are chomping hard. Finding time to actually write is the tricky part. But I am determined!

I hope you enjoy this one.

TITLE: Solitude

AUTHOR: Obi the Kid G

SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. Taash reflects about how his life has changed since taking a young padawan.

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MY WEBSITE The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

Solitude

I cherish these moments. Though they are few and infrequent. It's quiet here. Peaceful. One can easily get lost in the silence that surrounds this area. It's always been as it is now. My first visit here was with my former master. The day he took me as his apprentice, he brought me here. He motioned for me to sit in the lush grass with my legs crossed. He closed his eyes, reached for our newly formed mental bond and drew me into the Force with slow, deep breaths. The quiet enveloped us. And held us.

Since that time, I've become a recurrent visitor here. During times of pain and confusion. Times when I've felt overwhelmed by the galaxy and my role as peacekeeper. Times when I just needed to be alone. Away from everyone and everything.

This last year, I've not had much time to spend in this place that I hold so dear. With a young padawan in my care, time for myself seems non-existent. I love Ryin. He's brought meaning to my life. Meaning that I had lost with the death of my master. But he's so young. So full of questions. So full of energy. Some days, I can't seem to keep up with him. And I admit, there are some days when I regret my decision to take an apprentice. My reasons are purely selfish. I miss my alone time. I miss my solitude. I've always been somewhat withdrawn. Keeping to myself as much as I could. My old master used to comment on it. But he respected my need to be alone, as he was much the same. Seems that was one of the things that drew us together and made us such a formidable Jedi team. Ryin is much the same, although he has a strong group of friends that he grew up with in the crèche. Friends that he's managed to keep contact with even though they no longer share classes or living quarters. The friends I had during my time in the crèche, I don't see much of. I never shared that closeness with them that Ryin shared and continues to share with his crèche-mates. But there are times when he finds comfort in his bedroom or sitting with me in meditation that I know he's grateful to be away from those friends.

I've never regretted my choice of Ryin as my padawan. Never has one second passed that I've thought I've chosen wrongly. But sometimes I do wish for the time when I can just escape from the responsibility and have only myself to worry about.

I wonder if my master ever felt this way. I wonder if Master Qui-Gon or Master Yao or any of the most respected of the Order have ever felt this way.

I feel guilt at times because of these thoughts. Guilt because of the innocence and willingness of Ryin. He tries so hard at everything he does. Not once has he failed

to give his best or try when he knew that he was unable to complete a task. His determination to work and train hard…to not let me down is remarkable for one so young.

Yet I wonder how I can sit here and think only about wanting time alone. Away from him. Away from his energy and questions. Away from everything that takes time away from me, from my much needed solitude. These are not things I should be feeling. Are they? Am I the only one who so desperately calls out to these feelings and embraces them?

Now I come back to the peacefulness of this place. One can never truly know silence until they've rested here. My weary body. My weary mind. I need this. I can't function as a complete Jedi without this time. My time.

But I've been gone too long. Ryin will wonder about me. I told him that I wouldn't be long.

I see that I've been away for almost three hours. And I feel better for it.

Refreshed. Rested.

I need to get back to work. My responsibility waits for me in our quarters. He is the one I chose. The one I do not regret. The one who is my future. I owe him my undivided attention.

Yet, I know I will return to this place again. Away from everything. Away from my responsibility. Away from my future. If only for a short time.

I entered my quarters and my eyes fall to the young boy sitting on the couch, data pad in hand, but obviously wondering about his master. I had not told him where I was going. Only that I had an errand to run and would return shortly.

He smiled at me, icy blue eyes shining brightly.

"Do you feel better, Master?"

I gave him a curious look. "I do, Padawan, thank you."

"You needed time alone, didn't you?"

I nodded. Confused. How did he know? I have never mentioned this to him. "Ryin…"

"I feel it from you, Master. I get that way too. Sometimes I just want to go hide from everything. It's not wrong, Master. It's not wrong to feel that way."

This boy never ceases to amaze me. At the time I chose him to be my apprentice, I knew it was the most correct decision I had ever made. This moment only confirmed that.

"You are something special. Do you know that?"

As he normally does when one compliments him, Ryin bowed his head, hiding his eyes, smiling shyly.

In my time alone, I discovered once again how important this boy is to me. And I can feel some of that guilt building up again. Guilt from needing time away from him. Yet I know now, that the solitude I allow myself will only strengthen our relationship.

I walk to him, kneel in front of him and put a hand on his knee. "How about you and I spend some time together now? Just you and I for the rest of the day. We'll can go out into the city and get away from this for a while."

"But I have a class with Master Yoda this afternoon."

"It'll be there tomorrow. I'll make an excuse for you to be absent. One cannot spend all of their waking hours in a classroom with an ancient old troll babbling backwards about stories that no one except him can relate to. Right?

He raised his eyes and laughed. "Yes, Master."

"Come on then. I've had my time. Lets you and I have our time."

As we walked from our quarters and down the corridor, I felt a feeling of relief come over me. A feeling of contentment. A feeling of completeness that I hadn't experienced since before my master's death.

I will still seek time for me. My solitude.

And I will always seek time for us.

END


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